Stranger Than Fiction: From the Chumps-Élysées to Congested Queen St. West

Today Garibaldi the horse turned against his prescribed occupation and bucked his respected driver at the Élysée Palace to run free of duty and captivity, but only for a brief tour de la Rue de Rivoli in Paris, France.

The only Purse at stake for Garibaldi was his life, but that is common place for him and other police steeds around the world.

One would not be mistaken to see these unsung heroes galloping the streets of heavily-populated and polluted downtown Toronto, alongside dangerous traffic and unpredictable crowds, and that's within a concrete jungle of heavy noise.

Horses are not even required in this line of work; cheaper technologies are available. Conservative folk out there would be very worried to know that such animals require costly vaccinations and living accommodations that can ultimately be avoided by instituting the use of a technology that has been popular and practical for centuries now: the bicycle.

Surely it would be easier to avoid animal rights groups altogether by not placing the horses in situations where neon reflective coats and eye blinds are necessitated, but sometimes life is stranger than fiction.

Choking

The extent of my hypocrisy in relation to the McDonald's Corporation is that I occasionally let my friend B. sling me free…consumables when I pop in for visits before her shift is done. I say I let her because she's probably the most generous person anyone will ever meet, and I try not to abuse that; so really, I'm letting myself accept her benevolence. I can’t say food because I’m far too frightened to believe in that commercially conjured platform – mind-altering substance is a much better approximation, but it doesn’t make me any less ready to soil my pants.

I can justify this sort of theft with just about any kind of logic. Some vegetarians might stretch the boundaries of their dietary habits and ethical beliefs for this kind of falsified animal liberation, but it would be too easy to reference some carrot activist’s dogma in a way it was never meant to be cited and say something like “you corporate screwballs stole the life of a living thing, and now, yes, you have one less burger. This is retribution, you sad, sad sadistic people.” That said, I do feel bad for Mary Meatstick of moo-moo land – I just realize that time’s run out for her and that she’s already in the big proverbial valley in the sky, mowing down on all the cud her four stomachs can handle.

Plants have feelings too; it’s all just a matter of life feeding on life.


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