Choking

The extent of my hypocrisy in relation to the McDonald's Corporation is that I occasionally let my friend B. sling me free…consumables when I pop in for visits before her shift is done. I say I let her because she's probably the most generous person anyone will ever meet, and I try not to abuse that; so really, I'm letting myself accept her benevolence. I can’t say food because I’m far too frightened to believe in that commercially conjured platform – mind-altering substance is a much better approximation, but it doesn’t make me any less ready to soil my pants.

I can justify this sort of theft with just about any kind of logic. Some vegetarians might stretch the boundaries of their dietary habits and ethical beliefs for this kind of falsified animal liberation, but it would be too easy to reference some carrot activist’s dogma in a way it was never meant to be cited and say something like “you corporate screwballs stole the life of a living thing, and now, yes, you have one less burger. This is retribution, you sad, sad sadistic people.” That said, I do feel bad for Mary Meatstick of moo-moo land – I just realize that time’s run out for her and that she’s already in the big proverbial valley in the sky, mowing down on all the cud her four stomachs can handle.

Plants have feelings too; it’s all just a matter of life feeding on life.


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